Monkey See, Monkey do do do do do do do

You’ve heard it said, heck we’ve all seen it proven that ten percent of a church body does the work while the rest…..  I don’t know what the rest do, and I don’t want to waste time finding out.  All I want is to hear Jesus speak to me.  If I take my eyes off of Jesus I will drown.  

I am convinced if we are all sitting on the edge of our seat with expectation, He is going to speak to us and tell us what is needed.  And usually, if we’re really paying attention, he whispers something sweet and low ..”here I am” – r e l a t i o n s h i p.

Ah that’s the key.  What is needed.  Jesus has been teaching me so much about relationship which is very important from where I come from.  I was born into a family and my parents did the best they could but relationship wasn’t encouraged.  You could say we are the same as anyone that is born here on earth.  Monkey see, monkey do.

Look at Adam and Eve, they were given this garden to walk and talk with God in and Satan comes along and tempts them to ‘DO” something.  All of a sudden just being with God wasn’t enough.

It is all this doing that we do, that keeps us from Jesus and truly caring about one another.

Our human word, the one that trips us up because it sounds so dog gone necessary….

r e s p o n s i b i l i t y

That’s right, most of the time we miss Jesus and everything he has for us because we are so high and mighty on the responsibility thing, the planning, the details, the lists.

If you want to get technical, the most responsible thing you can do is be “eternal” minded, and to be eternal minded you need a mind transplant, and for a mind transplant – it’s quite simple – you need to listen to Jesus.  Only Jesus can reach in with his healing hand and turn our brains heavenward again.  When he does – we are saved from the perpetual

do  do  do  do  do  do  do  do  do  do  do  do  do  – you get the idea.

If you are planning something today and want God’s blessing, ask yourself this question:  Was it His idea, or yours?

If it was His idea, how much of it did you decide to pump up, and why?

Be very careful you don’t plan God right out of the plan because if you do – there won’t be any relationship come of it at all.  Even the smallest of things can take His glory away.

God has a plan, and He’s asked us to share it with others.  The simpler we do that the better..   No, so and so isn’t going to pat you on the back, and maybe you who over there is going to scowl.  You might look disorganized or artsy fartsy, but in the end it only matters what God looks like.  It’s always been about HIM.

 

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Absent Love, or Dormant? (facing family issues over the holidays?)

Got a hole in your heart?  I do.  It’s a fixing, but not by itself.  It’s healing to write and so I write.  Usually I get a whole page of what “they” shorten manure down to, and then it starts to settle in for the roots to show.  The surface stuff that sounds so “talk show” is just that, a surface conversation like the kind you have in the grocery store with someone you haven’t run into for a long time, and maybe really didn’t want to run into anyway.  But with me, even after the surface stuff is spilled out all over the floor or the page, the thoughts linger like an echo in a canyon, until my prayers follow, I go deeper and this time write with insight.

“What was I trying to say?” I ask myself as I meander through the word clouds that hang low enough to tickle my brow, like navigating through a forest of velvet covered willow branches.  I want to talk about the absence of love, but maybe it isn’t absent.  Maybe, it’s dormant.  I carefully reach up and pluck the word “love” from an invisible thread and bring it in tight – to my chest.   I embrace it like a child in my arms and run my fingers over the letters.  Do I really think I’m going to raise the letters from the dead?  Do I really think writing about my sister’s “family” sabbatical is going to change anything?

Why do we strive so, to reach someone, when in actuality they may not want to be found?  I think we do it for our self and tell ourselves we do it for them.  We do it because others do it.  We do it because we think that’s what family does, but for whom?  And it’s just like every other area in our lives, the same people reach while the other people watch.  Sometimes we do it because God tells us to.

Family’s different for everybody.  I’m tired of thinking mine should be like the Partridge Family, or Brady Bunch, God forbid.  But either one of those options would have been tamer than the one I lived through.  But that’s the strange thing, she remembers our childhood completely different, as if recalling the truth is an insult to our Father’s character.  But anything short of the truth is a lie.  Besides, even if the truth is ugly, it doesn’t have to be wasted.  We can learn from people’s mistakes as well as their triumphs.

Is it any surprise I’m thinking about “family” with Thanksgiving around the corner?  The Canadian Thanksgiving, that is.  The U.S. has their celebration in November, really close to Christmas so the shopping has a chance to blur out any meaning.  I’m sure there’s a reason, but I wasn’t any good at memorizing historical dates in Social Studies.

I’m not going to memorize the date she decided to go “off the reservation” either.  I’m not going to memorize the date she decided to stop picking up the phone.  I might memorize the date she resurfaces if I’m still alive – kidding.

I’m going to breath and once in a while I’m going to listen for the sound of my lover’s words.  He and he alone knows how to sew the grand canyon back together, like there never was a crack in the first place.  And if by chance he calls me to be part of the mending, I’ll jump up and grab a needle.  But until then I think I’m suppose to wait.

And if I have to cook and have Thanksgiving without her, I will.  I’m thankful her dropping off the face of the earth doesn’t mean her face gets erased from my heart.

 

Curvature of the Spine “not the kind that shows on an x-ray”

Recording your thoughts is more important than you know….

I use to journal all the time in blank paged books with fancy covers that smelled like Christmas morning, my writing, nothing spectacular or prolific, no special attention to penmanship or form.  I still write today in typed font, but it has become like prayer to me, and sometimes one and the same, because both of those activities are part of our walk together.

I don’t even think about including Him, we’ve come to a place in my life where He is  everything I do.  Without Him, I wouldn’t be here.  He’s patiently worked all kinds of miraculous interventions on my behalf and I could list them for you, but I won’t.

Because, what makes me stand in awe before Him even more, is knowing there are thousands of other miracles He has worked in my life  and others’ lives, that we never see, when we’re running, or ignoring Him.  He is mercy!

I crawled out of the bath this morning, carrying my heavy thoughts, heavier than my thick brown bath towel and they wouldn’t rub off.  The process of thinking is something we all do, but for some, depending on your generational makeup, thinking can push you right over the edge.  If we rely on brains alone, to work out every detail of our lives, we are depending on our own strength.  There are books and resources to lighten our load, but no other truth and strength for this journey called “life”, than that which comes from our Creator and His Word.  Nothing’s more freeing than living totally dependent on His strength and writing it down so others can too.

My bathtub burdens took me back to a recent conversation with a friend.  She had just started a new job, and was nervous.  We sat down on the edge of my bed and while folding some laundry I encouraged her to stand tall, and speak with authority.  Why were those words, the message she needed to hear?

Both she and I share ugly past trauma.  Those realities can keep us feeling like children, not the gleeful, playful kind of image most get when they think of children, but the “bad girl, go sit in the corner,” kind of picture.  Trapped and beaten down!

I’ve been asking myself why that truth continues to bob to the surface?  Those who’ve experienced abuse believe they’ve been bad, even if we know we’re the victims and not the perpetrator.  That “feeling” can stay with us and create a curvature of the spine, one that will not show up on any x-ray, but is there none the less.  Our voices can have a constant underlying whine that resembles a whipped puppy.  As if we need to apologize for who we are 24/7?

With God’s help we can see a clear picture of who we really are, we can stand tall, and speak with authority.  We become the best we can be, leaders, recognizing the gifts He’s given us to navigate on this earth.  We are forgiven, we have a new name, we are children of the King with a message of healing, belonging and freedom!