Why?

Recently friends of ours have had to go through something no one ever wants to experience. These words (also in song format) are dedicated to their family, and evidence the family of God grieves together. This is my attempt to share their pain, and my intent to join them in asking our Lord – “Why?”.

“Why?”

Cry, wanna cry a river,%22Why%22small

wanna weep an ocean.

Even still justice will remain,

hidden beyond heaven’s plain.

Time, could it travel faster,

or should it make a motion –

Yesterday hasn’t yet arrived,

and second thoughts spared us from this plight?

Oh – oh – oh I can hear your loud accusers

Oh – oh – oh blinded by their own peculiar stains

So let the sun refuse to rise!

Let the earth swallow the skies!

Let a mother’s tears run dry!

Oh – oh – oh …………………..why?

©Cindy Palin – November 2nd, 2015

photo made possible by http://www.dreamstime.com

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Christmas Hope

Everyone needs some.  It is invisible almost all year round, but at Christmas time, if you look carefully you can see where it came from.

I heard about it year after year but never really got it until tragedy struck.  You don’t have to be broken to receive it, but it helps.  Because when we are broken, we realize we need it  more than anything else in the world.

It doesn’t matter how old you are, in fact once you find it, you still need to be reminded it is there.  Life is hard.  I’m not talking about the job you may not like, or the child who is acting up.  I’m talking about the spouse who left, or the child who died.  Maybe you have healed up pretty good and are trying to move on.

I have to grab on and hang on to it really tight, not just every Christmas but every day, and I am never disappointed.

Have a listen and grab onto some Christmas Hope.

 

God Forsaken Lonely

Every parent wants to protect their child from the worst pain there is – a broken heart.  But if we think we can protect them from a broken heart, we might as well not have children. It is fair to say that to live is to love and to lose, and to love again, even though there’s nothing fair about it.

I was in love only one other time before I met my husband.  We were in our early twenties when we broke up.  I was moving away to attend College and he didn’t want a long distance relationship.  There was more to it than that, but we’ll leave it there.

One night shortly after our break up I got in my car as if I had a place to go.  We had spent so much time together and now that we had broken up I was lost.  I ended up driving to the city just to turn around and drive back home.  I didn’t have a cell phone then, so I knew I would have to pull over and use a pay-phone if I wanted to reach him.  I just had to hear his voice.  I knew nothing I could say would change his mind, but I kept hoping by some miracle he would take me back.

I pulled off the highway into a gas station and dropped some coin in the outdoor pay-phone.  It was dark and raining, the stars were hidden and even the street lights wouldn’t shine and for the very first time in my life I felt cold to the bone and “God forsaken” lonely.  I questioned why I was born and if I had a future to look forward to?  With no one to share it with, why live it?

It wasn’t long after that rainy night pay-phone call of desperation, that I was to actually meet the King of loneliness, the one person in the whole world who knows “lonely” better than anyone else and all because of love.

Someone must have been praying for me because in the midst of my loneliness I kept hearing this message, not an audible voice, but a message.  It came with pictures.  I saw a cross and consciously tried to avoid looking in the eyes of the man nailed there. I’m not one to remember everything I was taught in Sunday School but I remembered something that this man said just before he took his last breath.

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46 NIV).  Then it dawned on me.  He was the one who was God forsaken lonely.  He was the one who loved me so much that he risked being rejected by his own Father.  He died that day in order for us to be together, but that isn’t where the story ends.

His blood sacrificed on that cross is my covering, like a robe of love that I wear everyday.  When my Love looks at me, he doesn’t see who I use to be, he sees righteousness.  We spend a lot of time together and he will never break my heart.  We will never separate (see verse below).

This past Friday, when I was working in my shop I was listening to my i-tune folder of favorite love songs, one of which is an old Bryan Adams song.  A specific lyric really stood out.  “The lonely nights have just begun, when you love someone”.  Now that I’ve experienced God’s love I can testify that I still get lonely.  Lonely for him and eternity…. wonder what his face looks like and what his voice sounds like and what his hug is going to feel like.  It isn’t a desperate lonely, it is a hopeful longing for the reunion I’ve been promised.

Yesterday I was sitting in the pew of our church and singing a congregational hymn and this line stood out; “Redeeming love has been my theme and will be ’till I die.”

Christ’s love is different from any other love there is.  It is a redeeming love.  Just like he came to life again and walked out of that cold to the bone – tomb, we too come to life when we fall in love with Him.

He takes you back no matter what you’ve done, no matter how you forsake him and he loves you with a redeeming love…makes you new every morning, every moment.

Eventually my broken heart mended.  I thought for sure I would never love again.  But the lover of my soul knew differently.  When it was time, he brought me someone to love and share my earthly journey with, someone who understood and embraced redeeming love, and the three of us together make a good team, “…a cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12b).

Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Dirty Laundry and Broken Hearts

I didn’t realize as I stepped onto the landing and through the door of the laundromat that this day would be THE day a new crack would form in the universe, the universe of my heart.

You don’t have to spend much time in a small town before realizing everyone knows everybody’s business, also known as “dirty laundry” and yet I hadn’t a clue the young man who worked behind the counter along with his two toddlers, had recently been abandoned. 

The above excerpt is from a writing project I’m working on, true accounts of “real life” happening all around me.  Through a recent series of events my faith has been challenged, and I am on a soul journey to learn how to love my neighbor.  By making myself available, specifically to single parents and their children, I am learning something very important about their needs, but even more surprising, I’m learning something very important about myself.

Without Jesus, my love is only as good as the people who gave up on them.

Fragile, fickle, conditional and selfish….

What does true love look like?

What does it mean to love our neighbor?

What does it mean to love the Lord our God with our whole heart, mind and soul?

What Every Man Deserves

the sound of abuse

has a unique timbre

not the harsh consonant of the accuser

but the high pitched whine fermented over time

of the victim

it also has a shape

rounded and hunched

trembles and jumps

at the slightest mistake

bracing for the aftermath

and it’s not a fist

but the blow comes down with a force to match

doesn’t pierce the skin

and yet there are scars

doesn’t draw blood

yet they walk around bled dry

and empty

eyes with narrow slits of light

ready to close at the first sign

of its coming

wincing in advance

and they forget to open them

when talking to friends

because they’ve forgotten

what friends do

but afraid they might see inside

and accuse them too

or ask questions, why?

Why did it take you so long to flee?

Why did it take you so long to see?

Why did it take you so long to believe,

that every man deserves to be treated with dignity?

Cindy PalinImage